托福写作突破27分大关的六脉神剑
相信写作是很多同学在英语学习中的难题，那么今天我们来讨论一下如何提高作文分数吧!
来源：新东方 赵子铭
去模版化是一切高分作文的基石
其实，很多同学的语言基础不错，但因为讨巧或者对于托福独立写作的认识不够，采用了固定化的模版结构和模版句式去写作文，从短期来看，这不能帮你突破22-23分的独立写作，拿到高分;从长期来看，对于写作能力的提升更是百害无一利，试问如何套用模版去写大学教授布置的paper呢?
当然，为了让大家更直观的了解什么是模版化的思路和语言，我会让大家看一篇文章的节选，凡是我加粗的部分，就是模版化的语言和结构。
开头段
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Government should spend more money in support of the arts than in support of athletics such as state-sponsored Olympic teams. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
In a society that changes as amazingly as ours, people are under more and more pressure due to the increasingly pontential of competation. Consequently, the general public as well as sociologists begin to wonder whether which is the best way for the government to release the tensive state of people between supporting the development of arts and supporting athletics. Towards such a long-running tug-of-war, I am inclined to argue that government should spend more money in support of the arts than in support of athletics.
上面是开头段，想必很多同学会有类似的模版，其实，模版能够帮助我们快速作文，但是大家会否有感觉，这样的模版句式是否套用到每个题目中都是合适的呢?毕竟“社会飞速发展”，“普通大众和社会学家开始思考”“激烈的争夺中”，在很多题目中会出现和题意水土不服的症状，写出来就会有逻辑不通，前后语言不连贯的问题。
分论点
01
Indeed, there are certain merits contained in the plausible statement that supporting athletics do have some advantages. To begin with, it is imperative to pinpoint that spending more money on supporting athletics can improve the whole level of the athletics since they can buy more equipments for training, thus
我相信更多的同学都很熟悉这种写法，这叫做让步段，很多童鞋在写作中，由于按照这样的模版写作，就不得不每篇文章都是先一个让步段，然后两个观点段。但是，让步段出现在这个位置真的合理吗?真的适合每一个题目吗?
我们都知道托福独立写作不仅是议论文，更是考试作文，在有限的时间内写作，需要的是观点明确且直接，让步段放在第一个论证段落就很有可能让考官晕掉，不明白我们的观点到底是什么。明明写同意，却上来说对方很有道理，还一整段都在说对方好。
分论点
02
However, it is, as far as practical experience and significance are concerned, more preferable to advocate that funding arts can improve the ability of appreciation of all the people. Prmarily, we can
这个童鞋终于开始说明政府支持艺术的第一个理由了，可是，注意，however这个标粗+波浪线的句子并不是理由，理由在that后面，那么，童鞋们请注意，独立写作需要用有限的字数表达更多有价值的信息，这个模版毫无疑义，所以请直接写“First，Funding arts can”
分论点
03
Simultaneously, the other persuasive justification is, in and of itself, self-evident. Supporting arts more can lead to the fashion of art, thus enhancing the creativity of people since people will have more creative thoughts after appreciating art piecies.
矫情，同样删去，直接写理由二就好。“Second，supporting arts more can”或许会有同学说，这不是为了凑字吗?句型还挺美的。没错，句型是挺美，但是这是无效信息，既不是分论点，也不是解释，更不是例子，无效信息必须干掉。
铭叔点评
该名同学基本功很好，但是由于过于依赖固定化的模版句式和思路去写，缺乏对于题目本身的思路分析，导致其始终无法突破22分。
通过教学，这名学生放弃了模版式的语言，放弃了先写让步再写理由的僵化的模版思路，采用总分总的写法，根据题目的不同，训练思路分析的能力并进行大量的头脑风暴，对于帮助她从22分突破到27分，奠定了很好的基础。
以下是该学生放弃模版后的写作效果，请大家品鉴。(为保证真实性，提供的是写作初稿)
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Young people should try different jobs before they decide which job or career they will do in the long term.
In such a society that has already been overwhelmed by more and more chioces(choices) of majors for students, people started thinking (whether)the essence of education should be dabbling in one major deeply or knowing a lot widely. Though majoring in one region do bring people some advantages such as making people own incompetable(incomparable) knowlegde(knowledge), I still believe that it is more profitable for students to study more widely for having more predominances in the academic learning, the social connection, and the future job.
To begin with, it is a common sense that the interaction and interconnection between different subjects can not be eliminated. In this case, studying one major might bring benefits for learning another subject. Take myself, a student who is taking U.S. history course in advanced placement as an example: when I was in grade ten, I tried my best to recite the crucial time, cause, and effect of historical events and spent nearly three hours a day to prepare for the AP exam in May; yet, what is unfortunate is that I was not able to understand many academic terms in the economic regions such as mechanism, thus negatively influencing my understanding of some events and even caused misunderstandings and misconceptions. As a result, I only got three out of five in the AP test. However, I found it was obviously easier for me to study this course in grade eleven since I have already finished studying microeconomics in grade ten, thus saving plenty of time for me to study in the U.S. history while clarifying all kinds of terms, definitions, and significances without a hitch. Eventually, I got five points in the AP U.S. history exam when I was in grade eleven.
(却少了总结性的内容，毕竟ap的例子讲完，这到底和分论点有什么关系呢，还是要总结一下)
Secondly, there will be more likelihood for students to get along well and make more friends with others after taking different curricula. As the saying goes, “birds of the same feather flock together”, students would be able to have more topics to talk with others and make more friends if the students were learning widely. As a high school student, I cannot deny that the help and suggestions given by my friends are definitely helpful and indispensable. Once I was preparing for the presentation for my physics class in library and confused about how to explain Schrodinger’s Cat to my classmates, one of the students in the library suddenly passes by my seat and then went back. He asked me whether I was depicting the Schrodinger’s Cat by powerpoint. After communicating with Jack, the student who is majoring in theoretical physics, I suddenly got new pattern of presenting and new perspectives in physics, and later made friends with Jack. He offered me with many valuale (valuable) advice and help me deal with bugs, thus making my presentation perfect. As a result, I got full points in the presentation of physics class though it is nearly impossible for a student majoring in history to get such high scores in the core curriculum.
Last but not least, having various experiences is able to give students a better shot to find a optimal job in the future. To be specific, future employers will value the distinctive experience. Take my cousins as examples: my cousin John, a student graduated from Chicago University and double majored history and law, has learned and is able to speak appropriately in Chinese, English, French, Spanish, and German. In the pass(past) few months, he successfully found a job in one of the law offices in New York city with high salary and less work time due to the tremendous benefits he brought by his laguage (language) talent; however, my cousin Alice was only gifted in studying Chemistry and she gave up studying other subjects because of her disclination (disinclination). Yet, she has troubles in finding a desired job since there are too many students majored in Chemistry competing for the limited jobs. While Alice is still worrying about her tight budget and unfound job, John has already bought a BMW car for his father as gift by the salary he saved and he is planning to buy an appartment (apartment) in Manhattan near his work place without the help of his parents. It is obvious that students with more calibers can win success in the society with all kinds of competition.
All in all, despte (despite) that fact that immersing in one major do have some advantages, I prefer having valuable experiences in different regions, thus having a better chance to win success in not only the academics but also the job market.
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