托福独立写作三大雷区,注意避坑
不少同学在备考托福独立写作的过程中曾经走过弯路,最典型的就是疯狂积累和背诵一些高大上的句型表达,然后在自己的文章中花式运用,自认为交出了一份完美的答卷,然而分数出来却和想象中出入巨大,当场傻眼。
出现这样的问题,是因为你语言表达的运用能力还不够强!
语言表达是托福独立写作考评标准中的重要一项,虽然看起来要比文章逻辑、行文结构简单,但仍然是限制不少同学获得高分的关键因素。
今天,我会根据过往的教学经验和学生们实际练习的情况,针对大家出现的高频语言表达问题,逐一“扫雷”,同学们可以对照下方问题,进行自查和调整。
雷区1
空洞的“套话”
1.习惯性加空洞“套话”或官方语言
这样的内容,读者看完之后只会觉得不明所以,某些空洞的单词或词组根本不能为句子带来任何重要信息,完全可以删掉。
举例:When all things are considered, young adults of today live more satisfying lives than those of their parents, in my opinion.
这句话当中的"when all things are considered"和"in my opinion"都很多余。因为文章就是你自己写的,观点也是你经过考虑得出来的,完全没必要再去强调这个信息点,可以直接修改为:Young adults of today live more satisfying lives than their parents.
举例:First, the professor offered a direct response to the first theory presented in the paragraph about...(综合写作中的分论点观点句)
以上句子中,浪费了很多精力和笔墨在引出分论点上,这大可比必,读者也会为这个迂回的表达方式感到困顿,所以都可以直接删掉。
2.套用空洞和繁琐的表达方式,导致句义啰嗦
举例:Due to the fact that TV advertising can cost a lot, many companies choose other ways of publicity.
以上"due to the fact that"就是一个非常繁琐的表达方式。可以修改为:Because that TV advertising can cost a lot, many companies choose other ways of publicity.
雷区2
重复论述
1.重复使用同样的或者意思重复的词汇
举例:The farm my grandfather grew up on was large in size.
以上这句话,"large "对一个"farm"来说就是"size"方面的"large",可以不用再重复"size",所以"in size"可以去掉,修改为:The farm my grandfather grew up on was large;甚至有简洁的表达方式:My grandfather grew up on a large farm.
2.习惯使用单词即可替代的词组
举例:My grandfather has said over and over again that he had to work on his parents’ farm.
这个句子中的"over and over again"就可以改为"repeatedly",显得更为简洁,修改为:My grandfather has said repeatedly that he had to work on his parents’ farm.
举例:The development of science and technology makes people's life more and more convenient.
这个句子中的"more and more"就可以改为"increasingly",修改为:The development of science and technology makes people's life increasingly convenient.
雷区3
语法结构不恰当
1.句子的主语和谓语动词,要反映该句最重要的含义
举例:The situation that resulted in my grandfather’s not being able to study engineering was that his father needed help on the farm.
从意思上来分析,上面这句话需要表达的重要的概念是"grandfather’s not being able to study",而在表达这个概念时,原句用的主语是"situation",谓语动词是"was",不能强调需要表达的重点概念,可修改为:My grandfather couldn’t study engineering because his father needed help on the farm.
2.频繁使用"there be"结构
"There be"句式是独立写作部分影响语言表达准确性的一员大将。很多同学特别爱用这个重点句型,但是使用这个结构出现语法错误的概率也是极大的,而且频繁使用还会使句子意思表达不够简练。
举例:There were 25 cows on the farm that my grandfather had to milk every day. It was hard work for my grandfather.
可以改为:My grandfather worked hard. He had to milk 25 cows on the farm every day.甚至更简洁的句式为:My grandfather worked hard milking 25 cows daily.
3.过度使用主从复合句的句型结构
举例:Dairy cows were raised on the farm, which was located100 kilometers from the nearest university and was in an area that was remote.
可直接修改为:The dairy farm was located in a remote area, 100 kilometers to the nearest university.
总之,语言运用表达中,需要我们做减法,也就是要求我们用“最少的话”直接、精准、有效地表达句子的核心意思,不绕弯、不迂回。
细节决定成败,备战托福的过程中,请大家务必学会“精细化”,绕开“雷区”,扫除取得高分的障碍。
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