托福作文写作切忌跳跃性思维_托福写作
批改学生托福作文，常常会发现前后文关联不紧密，或者根本就没有关联的情况。有的时候甚至通篇文章下来都跟话题无关，而是朝着另一个方向在写。其实这些问题都源自于学生在写托福作文时思维跳跃性太大。
案例一：偷换概念
例题：Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Teachers should assign homework for students every day.
这是机经上的一道题目，问是否同意“老师应该每天都给学生留作业”。这一题我们可以从every day着手，选择不同意的态度，首先让步——承认老师应该留作业，然后再转折——但是如果每门学科每天都留作业的话，对于学生而言负担太重，进而会造成一系列不好的影响。在初见这道题时，大多数同学都能想到上述的解题思路。可是在真正写作的过程中却有不少学生出现了“偷换概念”的情况：
开头段：I understand that the teachers need to assign homework. But now, teachers are giving too much homework. Every day, teenagers like us carry home loads of homework. It’s too much, that when we put it down, it almost can pile into an enormous book mountain. I think that some homework can be good for students themselves, but too much is not very efficient to kids.
中间段：(省略)主要论述作业多了如何不好
结尾段：At last, I suppose that giving kids an amount of homework is a good way to do, but giving them too much homework is very stressful. We all need nice rests, so the teachers need to give the students some breaks. The teachers need to handle both studying and resting very well.
开头结尾段表明的就是作者的观点和立场。从上面的学生习作的首尾段我们应该不难看出，他一直都在论述的是：现在的老师布置的作业太多了，老师不应该布置那么多的作业。回到我们的题目，题目里并没有提到“布置作业”，那小作者是怎么得到“作业”这个概念的呢?其实这就是因为作者思维上跳跃了一级：
assign homework every day→a large amount of homework→stressful for students
本文正确的行文应当是顺着上面的三个步骤进行推理，而作者却跳过了个步骤，直接从第二步开始，这样就导致整个文章偏离了话题的内容。虽然写的很有道理，得分却不高。那么对于这样的问题其实也有一个很简单的弥补办法，那就是在段首段尾加点料就行了。加点什么料呢?我们一起来看看下面修改后的版本：
开头段：I understand that the teachers need to assign homework. But now, teachers of all subjects are giving homework every day which seems too much for students to finish in one or two hours. Teenagers like us carry home loads of homework. When we put it down, it almost piles into an enormous book mountain. I think that some homework can be good for students themselves, but leaving homework every day will definitely lead to a heavy burden for students as too much assignment is not conducive to kids.
中间段：(省略)
结尾段：At last, I suppose that giving kids a certain amount of homework is good, but giving them homework every day will make them stressful because that will uplift the total amount of students’ daily assignment. We all need nice rests, so the teachers need to give the students some breaks.
上述修订版的文章保留了80%以上的原文，除了一些表达法的修订之外，就是增加了层关系：每天布置作业与作业量大的关系。虽然这层意思很简单，大家都能想到，但是在写作文的时候千万不能“高估”阅卷老师的智商，他们更希望什么都不用想就能知道你的文章跟题目是什么关系。所以，亲爱的托友们，抱着一颗将读者当傻瓜的心来练习托福写作吧，相信老师再也不用担心你偏题了!
我们继续来看看跳跃性思维在我们行文过程中又会惹下什么样的麻烦。先看看下面这位同学的例子：
第一类：无因果关系却被用上了因果连接词。
例题：The environmental issue is too complex to be handled by the individual.
这是一位学生在开头段里写的原文，没有改动：And now, it is justifiable to believe that the negative influence we exert on the Earth far outweighs the positive one. So, I think that such environmental issues are too hard to be solved by one person.
批注：这个so的前后因果关系并不明显：前面说我们对地球带来的坏的影响远超过好的方面。但是这并不能得出结论“个人的力量无法改善环境”。估计作者想说的是：人类给地球环境带来的负面影响太大大多，像一些全球性的问题，个人的力量是无法解决的。
第二类：有因果关系却跳跃断层。
例题：It is more important for the government to spend money on improving internet access than on public transportation
学生习作原句：We won’t drive our own car on road. So there will be less pollution.
批注：这句话我估计让该同学当面说，他肯定能说清楚。so前面说我们不开私家车上路，得出结果是污染少。可是这里的跳跃太大了，少开车与减少污染之间到底是什么联系?这里面我们应该介绍清楚：少开私家车，就能减少汽车尾气，进一步减小对大气的污染。这里的每一步都需要讲出来，才会让人不用思考就能看懂你想表达什么。
第三类：无转折关系却非要转个弯说话。
例题：In the modern world, we should never be impolite to another person.
学生习作原句：In the society today, we face a lot of different people and all types of different issues. However being mean and harsh to everybody a person sees or knows is not a very proper way for a matured person to do.
批注：这段话的句意思说现代社会我们每天都会面对许许多多的人和事。第二句转折：然而，恶意对待你遇见的每一个人并不是一个成熟的人应该做的。这两句话作者用了个however来连接，大意应该是想说：因为遇见的人和事多，很难做到对每一个人都礼貌。因为难免就遇到奇葩人奇葩事，对那些奇葩的人可以不礼貌，但是绝不能对所有人不礼貌。画个图应该是下面的关系：
different kinds of people andvarious things→containssomeone who is tough and rude or something bothers you much→needn’t to be polite →howeverwe should not lose temper to all persons.
这才是作者想要表达的意思。可是单从上面那两句话来看，二者之间并无因果或转折关系。只有这样一步步推进，才能让读者看懂。
